Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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