I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize