I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
