dude i'm inner monologue high
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
