she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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