what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
