i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
