worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
