he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
