He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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