I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
