He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
