giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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