He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
