I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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