It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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