Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
