I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
