I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize