just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
