But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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