I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
