I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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