don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
