and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
