you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
