Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize