gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
