Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
