Don't make out with my wife yet
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
