Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
