smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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