Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
