I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
