As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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