Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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