OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
