just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
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