birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
