if i can run in heels then i can drive
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
