Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
ok first of all what the fuck
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
