why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
