I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
