I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
