I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
