Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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