I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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