how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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