dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
