Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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