took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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