The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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