i barfeds in our rink
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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