Banned from zoo.
Again?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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