I wish I only lived at night.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
