so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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