K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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