i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
