next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
