Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
