Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize