i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
