his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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