did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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