like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
