I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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