I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
