i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
