1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Drunk is a universal language darling
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