I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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